Flagrante DeWanko

I took these and I'm thinking I'm pretty good.

2009-11-18T17:35:00.002+08:00

It takes alot to make him angry, but very little to make him pretend.

I would like to say it again: I think I'm pretty good.

I wish I could come up with something witty about the phone and coke but.. I fail.

My attempt at nonchalance. Or disregard. With a camera.

You better shake up, cause I need a man.

And my heart is set on you.

You better shape up, you better understand.

To my heart I must be true.

-Grease

I Can't Tell You.

2009-11-09T10:56:00.002+08:00

August 16 2009.
That was the last time I wrote in here.
My life has been on that proverbial rollercoaster ride we often use to describe that utter chaos we go through.
Chaos.
It's the hidden turmoil that I've, at times, managed to hide underneath.

To recall every single moment of my life since then would be too much of a painful recollection to handle.
No, wait, not painful.
Intense.

So many things have happened.
Both good and bad. And everything else in between.

22nd October 2009.
That was a day to remember.

I would love to say that I am more empowered and older from it all.
But it's also made me weak, and more vulnerable.

Still, for everything that's happened,
thank you.

It gets darker everytime.

2009-08-16T22:07:00.003+08:00

Sometimes it gets a little darker,
When you walk home by yourself,
with nothing but the cold in your hands,
And the gravel trailing your feet.

Sometimes it gets just a bit darker,
Though your home is beyond black
and you feel that empty stolen piece
Of you filling quickly with despair.

Sometimes it gets a little too colder,
As you rub your hands in frustration and
wrap your arms around body in vain attempt,
When the chill of falling begins to set.

Sometimes it gets a bit harder,
To keep returning to a vessel empty of
its life, its love, its truth, and courage,
In facing ghosts that blind and taunt.

Sometimes it feels easier to just lie. Down,
To yourself, to your light, to your vain deity,
Give in, unto, fear hatred anger and complete deceit,
Mirror image growing colder, fainter, darker.

Sometimes the shadows of a room grow with pain,
Deep, dark, desolate decadence.
That bind, hurt, remember and refuse,
Everytime it gets even a little bit darker.

Tell the boy

2009-07-20T14:06:00.000+08:00

that I love him.

and that nothing else matters.

Munchausen (Proxy)

2009-07-19T21:01:00.002+08:00

Got nothing to prove, I'm not your whore
You're gonna lose, cause I got more
Not sure you can endure
I'm not your little, I'm not your little, I'm not your little
Whore...

Whore whore whore...
Not your late night booty call
Whore no more...
Don't call me past eleven pm, it won't happen again

Like a scab that won't heal, just another sore
Lost face in the crowd such a lonely bore

Don't call me past eleven pm, it won't happen again
Happened once, it happened twice it happened three times, maybe four times, maybe five times, maybe, maybe it happened six times,
but it won't happen seven times
No no no no no no...

Whore whore whore
Not your late night booty call
Whore no more
Don't call me past eleven pm, it won't happen again

You could call me at 10.59 but don't call me at 11 cause that's my rule now.

How I turned T-Rex into T-Rachel

2009-07-14T20:23:00.002+08:00

Ice Age 3 (3D) was surprisingly not a flop.
I found Ice Age 1 hilarious, Ice Age 2, equally funny.
But I had suspected the third part to have run out of its charm.

However, the way I clung to my seat laughing my ass off while trying to keep the 3D visors on my face is.. something much needed.

And 3 movies done, I'm still head over heels in love with Diego.
Rawr.

If you need a good laugh, watch it.

Void

2009-07-10T23:39:00.001+08:00

Every night, I find myself writing letters to no one.
Nothing.
Just a void of tangled emotions, confusion.

Where the only reply you receive is the deep set silence of being forsaken.

To be truly alone.
Completely alone.

I wish I was strong enough for that,
because, believe it or not,
I really, truly want that.

Sorry Sorry

2009-07-06T14:40:00.006+08:00

They are so annoyingly addictive.
13 guys in a boyband.
And their song gets stuck in my head.
No, I have no idea what the hell they're singing about, but I absolutely love them.
Oh and I think the one at 0:58, 1:49 and at 4:02 is absolutely cute.

And yes, I've been singing along to the song.
And breaking out in stunted dance moves.
-giggles like a schoolgirl-

Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry
naega naega naega maonjeo
nege nege nege ppajeo
ppajeo ppajeo beoryeo baby

Shawty Shawty Shawty Shawty
nuni busyeo busyeo busyeo
sumi makyeo makyeo makyeo
naega micheo micheo baby

baraboneun nunbit soge
nunbit soge naneun machi
naneun machi mwoe hollin nom
(ijen beoseonajido motae)
georeooneun neoui moseup
neoui moseup neoneun machi
simjangeul bapgo wannabwa
(ijen beoseonajido motae)

eodil gana dangdanghage
unneun neoneun maeryeokjjeok
chakan yeoja ilsaegiran
saenggaktteureun bopyeonjeok
dodohage geochim eopkke
jeongmal neoneun hwansangjeok
dorikil su eopsseulmankeum
nege ppajeo beoryeosseo

Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry
naega naega naega maonjeo
nege nege nege ppajeo
ppajeo ppajeo beoryeo

Shawty Shawty Shawty Shawty
nuni busyeo busyeo busyeo
sumi makyeo makyeo makyeo
naega micheo micheo baby

ttan-ttan ttan-tta-da tta tta-ran-ttan
ttan-ttan ttan-tta-da tta
nege banhaebeoryeosseo baby
ttan-ttan ttan-tta-da tta tta-ran-ttan
ttan-ttan ttan-tta-da tta tta-ra-ppa-ppa-ra

Hey girl gir gir gir gir gir girl i
nunmantteumyeon ni senggae
janakkaena sasil neo hana bakke anboyeo
malhaebwa ni mme naega
malhaebwa jari jabanneunji
malhaejwo naege malhaejwo
naneun babo babo babo

jubyeon saramdeureun malhae
naega neomu jeokkkeukjjeok
i sesange geureon saram
eodi handurinyago
geugeol molla geunyeol molla
sigihamyeo haneun mal
naega bureopttamyeon geugeon
geudaedeuri jineun geo

Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry
naega naega naega maonjeo
nege nege nege ppajeo
ppajeo ppajeo beoryeo baby

Shawty Shawty Shawty Shawty
nuni busyeo busyeo busyeo
sumi makyeo makyeo makyeo
naega micheo micheo baby

ttan-ttan ttan-tta-da tta tta-ran-ttan
ttan-ttan ttan-tta-da tta
nege banhaebeoryeosseo baby
ttan-ttan ttan-tta-da tta tta-ra-ra-ra
ttan-ttan ttan-tta-da tta tta-ra-ppa-ppa-ra

Let's dance (dance dance dance)
Let's dance (dance dance dance)
Let's dance (dance dance dance dance dance)

Hey ije geuman naege wajullae
jeongmal michil geonman gata yeah
nan neoman saranghago sipeo
jeoldae dasi hannun pal saenggak eopsseo [hey]

aeiniragiboda chingugateun
naega doego sipeo
neoui modeun gomin seulpeum
hamkke ganjikagopa
dasi eopsseul mankeum mankeum
neoreul neomu saranghae
naega baran saram niga baro geu
that that that girl

Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry
naega naega naega maonjeo
nege nege nege ppajeo
ppajeo ppajeo beoryeo baby

Shawty Shawty Shawty Shawty
nuni busyeo busyeo busyeo
sumi makyeo makyeo makyeo
naega micheo micheo baby

Gonna miss that crazy happy genius.

2009-07-06T10:15:00.008+08:00

5th July, Yiru's Day.
We're gonna miss you. But we'll see you in a few years' time.
Promise.

Seafood Platters @ Fish n Co. Yes, we were fhungry.
Yes, you read that right, fhungry.

The girl's day. And her happy striped scarf.
Already missing our little tyrant.

I believe I was reaching for food.

Colour co-ordinating.

Apparently there wasn't enough food. She bit mine after though, so it was fair.

Yes, um, more food. And us.

Jas, Mags, Lex, Leng, LZ.

We find amusement in the simplest things sometimes.

And yes, Flyer time.

I was happy. I was ecstatic. I was jumping up and down clapping my hands and squealing like a freaking cheerleader. Shuttup.

Kissing the Esplanade (I took this I took this)

View from the top. Well, top-ish.

Like I said, I was happy.

Scaled down model of the IR I think.

Surprisingly, the ride was.. exciting. Because, well, we're an easily excited bunch of kids.
-coughs-
"Ma, ma, I'm at the peak of Singapore"
"Ok. That's nice. Coming home for dinner?"

-rolls eyes-

Sex and Company?

2009-07-01T14:03:00.002+08:00

What I am to you, is not real.
What I am to you, you do not need.

I don't want you tangled up in my mess.
I've come to terms with this lonely movie going-reserved for one table seating-hidden behind closed doors-escapade.

I'll be selfish either way, I'll be brave if you see me like that.
But I won't be your pawn.
Won't be the hand you need.

But honestly, get a dog and take up bestiality as a hobby will you.
Because we're only here for when things get serious.

In loving memory

2009-06-08T22:31:00.004+08:00

I was angry with him because I felt he took the attention away from me, when I was 4.
I was angry with him because I thought I had to share the love of my parents.
And today, right now, I am angry with him, because I never thought I would have to give an eulogy at my kid brother's funeral.
Why, why couldn't you have stayed long enough for us to learn?
That family is not worth any feud, any argument?
Why didn't you stay long enough for us to let you know that we love you?

Her face finally broke through, and she cried,
"My baby's gone"

Found you.

2009-06-07T20:45:00.005+08:00

Why do I do this.
Why do I do it when I know I'll feel my heart skip a beat when I see her name pop up on the screen?
Why do I search for her when I know I want to slit her throat if ever I see her in reality?
Why do I type in her name, indulging my curiosity when I know that I will regret it?

Stupid stupid stupid stupid.

Even now, I'm going back to her name, her picture, and cursing myself for doing it.

Fuck.
It's been over ages ago.

Cheebai fuck.

Now I've found her.
What do I do now.

Smart, Nilly, smart.

Fucking genius you are.

Now where's my punching pag.

Err... bag.

Damn it.

I can't do it. I can't prolong this.
I can't live down your mistakes, not when I'm living everyday with mine.
I can forgive you, but it's been so long, and I still can't forget.
Why can't I let go?
Why do I keep returning to it, when I know that it's been done and ended.

The choice you made at destroying me and what I had, that was cruel.
And I let you go for it, I let you go unharmed.
But if retribution was a right, I would have made you live through what I had to.
Fall to the floor the way I did, and break apart so badly that pieces are still missing.
Feel yourself losing control, losing love, and above all, losing yourself, the way I lost repeatedly.
I would have made you suffered, and I would have made you see me the way I kept seeing you all this time.
The way you enter my head and make me loathe, I've been hoping to forget.
But you're always in the back somewhere, biding your time before rising again.

Your eyes.
Your hand.
Your lips.
All not belonging to him.

I loathe you.
And because of that, I am still connected to you.
And I don't have the blade it takes to cut you away.

And you're just another girl.
Another I have to forget.
But how can I forget a lesson learned,
And a wound uncleaned.

Boy is it beautiful out there today. Thank you.

2009-06-04T23:09:00.001+08:00

People spend so much time pondering over whether the glass is half empty or half full.

Me?

I don't care, I just drink whatever's inside.

That road to the rodeo?

2009-06-04T21:52:00.005+08:00

You walk on ahead, but there's nothing to look forward to.
Nothing but the horizon.
Just the same skyline, with the same sun moving across it.
The same skyline that took your breath away the first time you saw it, and the same one that became increasingly painful to look at,
as you trudge across the dirt to the land beyond it.

What's beyond that, you ask me as we drag our tired bodies.
All we imagined, and so much more, I repeat again.
My lies beginning to drag me down,
but we trudge on ahead.

My black backpack's stuffed with broken dreams,
you remember.
But your lies keep you moving, you cannot cave in, not now.
Not when the eyes of the boy beside you widen with hope when he sees the skyline.
The skyline you chose to mark your paths.
The same skyline you conjured your stories from.

Sweat, sand, dirt and dust.
But what do you care.
Your lies brought you this far.

But you know what the truth is that lies ahead,
the truth that the sun keeps shining on your face,
day after day, lie after lie.
Nothingness, it awaits you, nothingness is what you've promised.
And when you've spent years faulting your loves,
you crumble when you realise, it could have possibly been you all along.
You're the freak.
You're the circus clown behind a mask, behind the paint,
underneath all that protection, hidden.
Safe.
Or so you thought.

I'm the freak.
I'm the circus clown behind my mask, and my paint.
Underneath all that false protection, supposedly hidden beneath blames.
Safe.
But now I know.

Here's a secret the world should know

2009-05-31T21:27:00.001+08:00

Continuing from the previous post,

I'm sick of making people feel alive and young.

I'm just another fucked up girl looking for her own peace of mind,
and I just realised tonight, how screwed up I really am.

How fucking screwed up I really am.
And to you, well, fuck you.

Horns and Wings

2009-05-31T20:42:00.002+08:00

Tonight, I met someone who opened my slightly sleeping eyes.
What I perceived of the world has been accurate so far, albeit slightly tinted when it came to certain aspects.
And they, this somewhat surprising soul, shared with me a little bit of them.
And my world shook a little, with what they said.
It wasn't what they said specifically,
but what they said as a whole.

Humans are such superficial sacks of shit.
But sometimes, they turn out to be something else,
a sack of something rather valuable.
And surprising.

And after all that, one thing that I want,
just one thing;
For my feelings to be plain black and white.

I need simplification.
I need sense and maturity.
I need essence.
I need to know what I want, and exactly how I will get them.
And I need to spot opportunities instead of sitting on my arse and waving at them as they pass.

Embracing your fear means digging up all those secret skeletons you managed to bury.
And I have to start right from the beginning.

But it's a step, to what I want.

Mister Terrific

2009-05-30T22:50:00.002+08:00

Kid shows were strange even then.

Tee Ee Double R Ai Ef Ai Cee.

Shove a Mister in the front, and you've got me.

And I probably should stop going golden again.

I like these

2009-05-30T09:18:00.003+08:00

Number 1)

Nilam took the How much of a Minah are you? quiz and the result is -0.05%: Macam Paham College Girl

You speak English only and you probably don't know why sorry sorry kena naik lorry. Mats don't appeal to you at all and you've probably never been to Dbl O on a Thursday. You probably assume that minah holds the same definition as minahrep, but you are sadly mistaken my friend. Perangai stoppit sak, sebelum kau kena kicap nanti.

Baek ah, minah.

Number 2)

Nilam completed the quiz "What do your eyes say?" with the result Deep Thinker.

You think deeply about things going on in the present, past, and sometimes even future. You often drift off during work or class and start thinking about other things. You always hide what your thoughts form your friends and it often takes a poke or a snap of the fingers to bring you back to reality. Your eyes often portray a different personality than you are. Your eyes are a different part of your soul..

So I assume I'm such a fantastic liar, I even do it with my eyes? Score one for me.

3)

Nilam completed the quiz "Which is your SEXIEST feature? " with the result Eyes.

Your eyes give off natural sparkle which captures people's attention. Use this to create sparks with the opposite sex. You're a cutie!

I still wanna know what is up with that girl and her corset laced back. Somebody?

4)

Nilam took the What kind of ethnicity should you be dating? quiz and the result is African/Black

Mmmmm, you're into that chocolate love, you just love that soul flavor. <3 <3

-eyebrow raised-

Yes yes, here's some peeks.

2009-05-28T22:01:00.003+08:00

Last day of training.

Obligatory group photo.

Hat Man and Kecik.
Damn, Iz, you really do look like P Ramlee.

After dinner, before goodbyes.

I was full. And tired. And not looking forward to tomorrow. Enough said.

Teddy bear konon..

Rockey.

Classic lah Iz.

Iz, Marina, Yours Truly, Siti, Noni, Darren. I miss you guys.

Um.. We were excited over the coffee at tea break.
Really.
Um.

Darren, Siti, Nur, Suji, Noni, Jey, Marina, Yours Truly, Pam.
And do not ask why I was bent forward.
Please.

Fifty thousand reasons why I toss and turn.

2009-05-27T19:44:00.003+08:00

All that matters is one;

I can't sleep until I devour you.

.

<3

2009-05-25T21:45:00.003+08:00

Damn Bugger Fuck.

I fucking miss you guys already.

This is gonna be a bit emotionally sincere, so if you're the sensitive type and don't want to feel heavy hearted after, I politely request you to buzz off.

-smiles-

Anyway, the last few weeks, sessions, have been fucking fantastic with you guys.
Honestly, I looked forward to each morning, albeit they always seemed a bit too early.
You guys were my daily dosage, every fucking day.

From Marina's bursts of squeals, to Jey's random Voice Of The People commentary.
From Siti's amazingly sweet smile, and beautiful Suji's always eating moments.
From Nur's sniggering candid acts to Parvin's outrageous humour.
From Izhar The Man In The Hat days to Noni's sisterly bond.

I'm going to really miss you guys.
But hell, no reason to tear up.
We've still got at least five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes,
five hundred twenty five thousand moments to share.

I fucking love you guys.

And I swear, I better see you soon.
All of you.

I should tell you, I'm Disaster.

2009-05-25T21:21:00.002+08:00

Did I say you'd be complete?
Did I say that I would walk away from everything I've known?
And when your monster swallows you whole,
when you succumb to the deepest of darkness,
and leave your throne unoccupied,
Did I say that I would not reach out to you?
Perhaps I should have mentioned, once or twice,
some days or nights,
that I was utterly incapable.
Of feeling, of wanting, of understanding.
That trust is beyond not only comprehension, but belief.
Trust, in you nor in me.

Run and catch, run and catch.
The lamb is caught in the blackberry patch.
But you're not going to be the one rescuing her are you.

I have no faith.
No want.
No love.
No tears.

Because I strive to be immortal, I fail to be alive.

Now tell me, my sweet kissed lover,
live for me?
Or live for the unknown?

Frankly, there isn't much of a difference.

Between Your Sheets.

2009-05-24T21:01:00.004+08:00

Sheets. Cold sheets thrown around me.
Between my fists, beneath my fingers.
Your scent has long been absorbed by my skin.
And your warmth fading fast into the night.
Light, the sky turning light.
The sun is rising, and you're not home.
I want nothing more than to cover my body with your sheets,
but I'm lifeless.
My frame too heavy, my will to weak.
And I feel a presence upon me, silent and burdened.
Hours pass, and light sneaks in silently through the hole in the wall.
The light creeps across the floor, pale morning light, moving across the room, climbing up our bed, finally touching me.

My face so wet, tired and forsaken.
Hair a lifeless form around my head, thick black and enveloping.
But beauty was absent, taken.
I close my eyes, and wait for time to do its job and pass.
I close my eyes and wait for another night.
I close my eyes and wait for you to come home,
to come to bed.
Between my fists, beneath my fingers.
Upon my frame, your presence above me.
I want nothing more than to wrap my frame in you,
but I'm lifeless.
My will too weak.

And you're not home.

When you're strange, no one remembers your name

2009-05-24T20:38:00.004+08:00

It's incredible, when you realise exactly how powerful the human mind can be.

Well, not exactly, obviously.
But, when you experience even a small part of what its capable of, you'll be more aware of what you're capable of; anything.

The world could be falling apart around you, crumbling, breaking to pieces.
Death and decadence making it's nest around you, but you can still walk on, telling yourself that you're above them.

That you can overcome them.

And eventually you will.

Slowly, those facts of life don't seem as important to you as they were.
They seem distant, unreal even.
They stop hurting you, stop bothering you.
And then one day, you don't even realise you're living in them.

All because you tell yourself so.

Old Friends

2009-05-24T14:22:00.005+08:00

Two women sitting at their kitchen table early one Saturday morning, talking about friends, old and new.

"... I never went to bed with Alvin. The thought never crossed my mind. Which is odd cause I always wondered about... that myth," said the older of the two.

"There's a myth about people named Alvin?" asks the younger woman, adjusting the mini overalls in her hands.

"The myth about black men in the bedroom."

"Ohh...," says the younger woman.

She pauses for a while before voicing again,
"Is that a Greek myth?"

Damn, Rose, you still make me laugh.

It's a damn cellphone, get over it.

2009-05-23T00:41:00.002+08:00

Nur, Chris, Suja, Parvin, Jey, Siti. Oh yes, don't tell me how the quality sucks. It's been made known.

He requested this one.

First trip to Amoy.

Jey, Mary (below) Suja, Siti. Apparently Parvin is camera sensitive.

And hell, I didn't know I looked good enough with glasses.
Boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses, MY ARSE.

-coughs-

Just A Little Bit. A Little Bit. A Little Bit In Love With You.

2009-05-22T23:44:00.004+08:00

Damn, I actually miss you guys already. Wth.

The Ma'am Noni Noni feat The Dots.

The Mary, The Parvin, The Chris, and just a little bit. A little bit. A little bit of me.

The Morning Train People.

The Ninja Jump Fail. I <3 them.

The one on the left calls me Diva.
The one on the right is Louis the IT Analyst from L4D.

The Man Without His Hat

The One Where We Run Out of Picture Enthu.

The SP Ones.
And Hida, if you see this, yes that is your cousin.

Tuesday is coming soon.
I find myself not looking forward to being separated from you bunch.

I Will Walk, Fool.

2009-05-22T23:16:00.003+08:00

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to leave it all behind?
Can't take my mind off of you.
Can't take my mind off of you.
Can't take my mind off of you.

I'm telling you, when I say that I walk hard, I walk hard.
No need for slow romantic beach walks, that's not my cup of tea.
Give me the night, the road, and till sunrise, and you'll find me walking as long as the music is there to fill my head.
That, and all the past in my world, to re create.

All I need is that.
Don't pretend you can walk with me cause you think I'm a female in a skirt who can't take the stride.
I'll walk you down, leave you behind and not turn around.
Cause when you walk with me, you walk for yourself.
When you walk with me, use your own feet and your own music to fuel you.
I'll walk my own road, and hum my own tune.

Like I said, I'll walk you down, from the East to Town,
and back, give me the sun when it rises.
I Will Walk You Down.

Damn it.

Fifty Secrets

2009-05-18T21:09:00.006+08:00

01. Who was your last text from?
Chris (Aspire)

02. Where was your default picture taken?
Kampong Glam

03. Your relationship status?
Committed.

04. Have you ever lost a close friend?
Repeatedly.

05. What is your current mood?
Self indifference

06. How many siblings do you have?
Two.

07. Whats your brother(s)/sister(s) names?
Don & Ella

08. Where do you wish you were right now?
Halfway to the Sun.

09. Have a crazy side?
It's a subdued state of being.

10. Ever had a near death experience?
When I was 10.

11. Something you do a lot?
Care too much, for too little reason.

12. Angry at anyone?
Honestly, I only really have myself to blame for shit that happens.

13. What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
He's already mine.

14. When was the last time you cried?
Out of sadness? December. That, I remember.

15. Is there anyone you would do anything for?
The Kings of their own world.

16. What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
A past that was never mine, a past that I can recreate without guilt or offense.

17. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Rockstar.

18. What is your favorite song?
La Tortura

19. What are you doing right now?
Wondering what the next question is.

20. Who do you trust right now?
The sky, because it's where it should be. Exactly where it should be.

21. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
Some oversized shirt that dad bought wholesale. -snorts-

22. Have you kissed someone in the past week?
Not of the opposite sex.

23. Who is your friend that lives closest to you?
Fuzah aka Mango aka Adek.

24. Describe your life in one word?
Slipping.

25. Who are you thinking of right now?
Kristy.

26. What should you be doing right now?
Raking in whatever time I have before the house fills up again.

27. What are you listening to?
The ticking of the clock on the wall across where I am.

28. Who was the last person who gave you a hug?
Siti. Last Friday, when I left them at McD's.

29. Who was the last person who yelled at you?
No one I can remember in the last two years.

30. Do you act differently around the person you like?
I'm more reserved in the first few minutes, analysing them, before interacting.

31. What is your natural hair color?
Blacker than black. Ah well.

32. Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Emile Sabastian.

33. Who was the last person to make you sad?
Kristy.

34. What do you hear?
Laughter. Not mine.

35. Is your hair curly or straight?
Midway, wavy.

36. Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before?
Uncannily, about six seconds ago, by Lara.

37. Do you have a best friend?
Surprisingly, yes.

38. Held hands with the opposite sex in the past 3 days?
No.

39. Do you use smiley faces on the computer?
I avoid them.

40. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Yes. Taking them off is easier than putting them back on actually.

41. Are you happy with life right now?
I've reached a stagnant indifferent mode of being right at this moment. Right now.

42. Are you currently jealous?
Always.

43. What jewelry are you currently wearing?
The same ring on my finger. The same necklace around my neck. The red jewel hearts.

44. What were you doing on friday night?
Sulking at the rain since I wasn't allowed to walk about and get lost.

45. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Repeatedly. I never seem to learn.

46. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Repeatedly. I still never seem to learn

47. Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
It's sad how the answer to this question would be myself.

48. What was the last reason you went to the doctor for?
A general enquiry.

49. How late did you stay up last night and why?
Not too late since it was an early day today.

50. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
Yes. Longer than 3 years in fact.

Texting Tonggek Lah

2009-05-17T21:45:00.004+08:00

Hey Ids, when is Yati's birthday again?

Um Yati's birthday is on the 24th June B-)

Hahaha, I got mixed up between May and June.

Ahaha, sent to the wrong person didn't you?

Haha, yes. So, Yati, what do you think we should do for Yati's birthday?

I think we should surprise her. Don't worry, I won't tell. Ahaha selengeh lah kau Nilam.

Malu sungguh aku.

Blanche, you slut.

2009-05-17T19:40:00.002+08:00

Oh, look at the rain, Dorothy. It reminds me of my first kiss.

Oh honey that's so sweet. You had your first kiss in the rain.

Rain? No. It was in the shower.

Strangest Secret

2009-05-14T20:07:00.003+08:00

Affect life,
not stay affected by it.

-Earl Nightingale

Sophia & Sal

2009-05-12T18:08:00.002+08:00

He puts on his hat and jacket and walks towards the door.
She calls out after him.

Where you going?

To get some air.

We got air in the house.

I like beer with my air.

She rolls her eyes, and he turns around.

Will you wait up for me?

Don't I always?

I love you.

I love you too.

Because I love you

2009-05-11T22:28:00.002+08:00

Here more than there.
Break apart from me, and I have my world still.
But the piece that I gave you, that particle, no matter how slight,
will always remain with you.
Irreplaceable.
Inconsolable.

So don't break apart from me, don't leave me behind.
I've come to love, to understand and to embrace you, as me.
You, as me.
Nothing shines through my window now, nightly solitude.
Yet your absence becomes a presence itself, a hole black and bleak.
Unpromising.
Unforgiving.

I know you won't make me walk down that road.
Won't make me travel alone tonight.
Because, as slight as that particle is, you've given it to me.
And if I broke apart from you, that portion will remain mine.
Irreplaceable.
Inconsolable.

Why did we choose to wind these threads around us,
to weave our lives into one?
When we could have as easily walked away.
We saw the tunnel yet we walked into it, falling, still falling.
No longer matters if there is better for us,
for I want only you.
And you want only me.
And somehow, that makes our world infinitely complete.

King of my world.
As I am Queen of yours.
Center.

Kitchen Kaos

2009-05-07T22:04:00.006+08:00

My sister's attempt at frying keropok ikan.
In case you've forgotten what it looks like, or have no idea at all what it's supposed to look like,
this is the nearest sample I could find

Note the light brown colour, the way the texture of the fish cracker is stretched into crispiness.
And now compare it with the disaster below.

Strange that everytime I look at it though, I get a craving for keropok pisang.

Damn it, I want cempedak goreng.
Tell me when it's in season, somebody.

Too much to ask is it

2009-05-07T00:11:00.004+08:00

You're a pathetic pretender.
And your attempts at winning me over are futile, once again.

Do me this one personal favour,

Stay the fuck out of my life.

I really appreciate that, thanks.

Compliments of April 3rd

2009-05-06T10:18:00.005+08:00

And now I can't get this song out of my head.
Yet I enjoy the distraction. Absolutely enjoy it.
Enjoy it so much that I copied the below by typing each letter out, instead of ctrl+a, ctrl+c, ctrl+v.

Yesterday I went outside
With my mama's mason jar,
Caught a lovely butterfly
When I woke up today
Looked in on my fairy pet
She had withered all away
No more sighing in her breast

I'm sorry for what I did
I did what my body told me to
I didn't mean to do you harm
Everytime I pin down what I think I want it slips away
Her ghost slips away

Smell you on my hands for days
I can't wash away your scent
If I'm a dog than you're a bitch
I guess you're as real as me
Maybe I can live with that
Maybe I need fantasy
Life of chasing butterfly

I'm sorry for what I did
I did what my body told me to
I didn't mean to do you harm
Everytime I pin down what I think I want it slips away
Her ghost slips away

I told you I would return
When the robin makes his nest
But I ain't never coming back
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry

-Butterfly, Weezer

What you don't know...

2009-05-06T00:51:00.002+08:00

Most people don't know what love is, or how to find it.

And you would know what love is?

Some days.

It can't hurt you, what you don't know.
The fall, the instant attraction, the immediate connection, and that ever increasing thrill of emotions.

It can't hurt you, if you've never known it.
But when you do, it can be the hardest thing you'll ever learn to live with.
All that, and so much more.

Some days is all it takes.
Just some days.

That fine line between worlds.

2009-05-03T11:18:00.002+08:00

Another ditch in the road,
you keep moving.
Another stop sign,
you keep moving on.

Where was my name when my time came?

We find ourselves, always, on the edges of worlds.
Watching the gates, holding the doors, wearing the masks.
The line between one world and another.
The places from one face to another.
You ask me what I see from my little spot in the world.
You don't know that I still see you.

Guarding the edges.
Closing the doors.
Peeling off masks.

Is that all that we do?

In all honesty

2009-04-24T17:33:00.003+08:00

I would say that I am an embarrassing person to get lost with.

While looking for the office building for my interview, I, of course, got lost.

I proceeded to take out my printed out map of the area, nod curtly to myself,
point to the way ahead of me and say aloud "This way!" as though I were leading an army to victory.

Only to walk ten steps ahead, turn around, nod my head again, and yell out "No, This way!" to myself and the non existent army once more.

Now, wouldn't you fancy getting lost with me?

Attn Yati

2009-04-20T18:10:00.001+08:00

Yati, yes Yati, this reminded me of us.
Alpha Bravo Tango Zulu~
N.. N for.. N for... KNICKERS!

Watch it hon.
Oh the rest of you should watch it to also.

She needs that right now.

2009-04-19T23:08:00.001+08:00

What about what I need.
What about me.

How words can shake.

2009-04-18T23:13:00.001+08:00

Never let go of something wonderful,
because someone may see it too and take it for their own.

You gots to hear dis yaaar.

2009-04-15T23:33:00.001+08:00

The responses to this video are as follows:

Middling Glory says:
goddamn!
heads are exploding

Cwiiis says:
wow, that's very cool
Makes me want to play some piano...

Aaron.... says:
a guy playing 2 guitars at once to pull off a musical number from a movie...
yeah
I was like woah...

What are you waiting for.
Watch it already.

This scares the shit out of me

2009-04-14T22:45:00.002+08:00

We're all fucking insigfinicant compared to this.

When I leave you un-drugged.

2009-04-14T21:42:00.002+08:00

And I'm alone in bed, holding myself naked in your clothes,
and your insomnia.
Your little sleepless disease that slowly wraps itself around me,
in your absence.
Where's the fire now, where's your burn and heat?
Where's that pain I indugled in embracing your arms?

Your clothes, your smell, your invisible footsteps in my room.
They brand me with your name, my skin and soul yours.
Nightly rocking me to sleep, singing to me your sweet doom.
And I drown in darkness of creaking and closing doors.

Prowl within my head, and mingle between my sheets,
Or run through my cold morning sky when you reach my bay
Just forget that you ever left when I woke you from my sleep,
And return me the fire you took when you threw my miracle away.

Your body like fire beneath mine.

Help

2009-04-10T01:43:00.001+08:00

A little part of me died tonight.

And I don't know where it's buried.

There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth,
Still a little bit of you laced in my doubt.
-Rice

Remember Me

2009-04-10T00:53:00.004+08:00

Because it's now two pillows,
one atop the other,
not lying side by side.

Because I remember placing my lips
on the small of your back.

I remember toes curled,
beneath white cotton sheets.

I remember hands reaching for warmth
in the silence of sleep.

I remember laughing to British actors
with fantastic talent on video.

I remember cold noodles on the coffee table,
fish noodles, because you never liked the taste.

I remember typing out each letter,
wondering if you would read it.

I remember laughing at the staircase so much
that it made us topple over each other.

I remember.

But now it's two pillows, one atop the other,
no longer side by side.
No longer my toes curled beneath yours.

Why won't you remember me this way.

Signs.

2009-04-07T19:58:00.004+08:00

I heart this.

<333

Also

2009-04-05T20:02:00.003+08:00

I admit, I had a thing for him. Blame Batman Returns.

A tribute to toothpaste

2009-04-05T19:31:00.003+08:00

Trolls can count.
Reiteration is a waste of e-breath.
Ma, Chris is home, won't leave my head.
And the song that starts out with dum dum dum ding ding.
Old ones never really die.
Airports are wonderful shopping places.
Popeye's really is da shit.
Leeches are really annoying.
Shotgun my face if I'm 37 and digging forum drama.
On that note, Puck should make a comeback.
Time is toothpaste, just don't ask if it's fruity or minty.
Harlequin diamonds get overruled by a single white flower.
And I don't think I ever mentioned this to her, but ever since she wrote that entry about the perfect toothpaste squeeze, I've been attempting to make my toothpaste squeeze out just right onto my toothbrush. Every morning.
And I've been failing perfectly as well too.

Now, what's up for next weekend.

Time is like toothpaste I suppose
Once you've squeezed it out of the tube, there's no putting it back in
only it's always being squeezed out
and the tube is infinitely long
-Cwiiis

Prowl.

2009-04-02T18:25:00.005+08:00

I surprise myself sometimes, just as much as you surprise me.

To think, I was nearing the edge of sleep that night,
when I heard the floorboards creak.
The slight sound it makes when it's bearing the weight of someone who doesn't want to be heard.
The betrayal of stealth, so naturally, I heard it.
I remember peering through my lashes, to see no human form standing upright in the darkness,
no darker shadow against the night.

I remember lifting my head up, my mind waking up now, alert.
Searching the room with my eyes, aided by the light from the street filtering through the window, I still saw nothing.
No one.

I fell back to sleep, anxious to catch that dreamlike state I had almost reached.
But there it was again, the steady low creak of the boards.
This time, my eyes were wide open, searching again.

I remember how I whispered your name, and you did not answer me.
I remember how the silence did not scare me, remember how I knew that you were there, standing in the shadows.
You were there.

I remember that I called your name again,
and told you to come to bed,
falling back into my pillows with a smile.

Moments later, you join me.

This I know.

And there are no jungle cats by my window,
No strange faces peering in my sleep,
When the walls which you knock on are hollow,
It's your warmth in my bed that I keep.

Nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around

2009-03-31T21:40:00.003+08:00

I'm sitting by my bed, the sky outside almost like a hole to nothing.
An empty space, without the dots of starlight.
For some strange reason I cannot seem to recall, I am alone at home.
Everyone has gone, but where or why, it doesn't seem to matter.
I am alone.

And something more important is missing, something more significant.
Smoke.
It's nights like these, when I would feel more alone, almost lonely even,
that the smoke would suddenly appear.

So real, but never suffocating.

For the first time, I find myself seeking it, yearning to breathe it in.
Because every time I did, she would be there.
Now though, no smoke around.

I sit there for a while longer, and sigh.
Where is she, I wonder.
No one around to answer my unspoken question.

"What?" I say aloud. "Cause I'm not a fuck up anymore? I'm not delusional and screwed up anymore? Is that it?"

Still, no answer.

I actually remembered

2009-03-28T18:44:00.002+08:00

Also, last rant for the day, I promise.

I saw the date and remembered, today is Fatin's birthday.
We used to be close, in the way that awkward girls tend to be when they're 10 and alone in a class of strangers, inevitably pairing up and learning to love/hate one another.
Apparently she happens to be my cousin, or niece, too.
In the twisted way things are when you live on an island.

Funny thing is, I have not seen nor heard from her in almost 10 years.

Wherever you are, I hope you enjoy your 21st.

Let that bird lie.

2009-03-28T18:34:00.005+08:00

Eh?

Somehow, I don't think I'd be too surprised if the remake is 'cursed' by the unsatisfied spirit of one particular victim of a tragic death onset.
Afterall, some stretch of imagination might have to be conjured; how many movies can claim the death of a young talent, eh?

“Because as far as I’m concerned, that’s Brandon Lee’s movie and that’s why I finished the movie — in memory of Brandon. That’s the only reason I finished it actually.”
-Alex Proyas.

SFW?

2009-03-28T17:31:00.001+08:00

So what if I grow older?

I'm still not getting an iguana.

Bugger this.

.

When a pillow gets knocked off the bed,

2009-03-28T09:11:00.004+08:00

My dreams turn bad.

I had two dreams, happening at the same time. When one dream got dull or bad, I flitted next door, to the other dream.
My first dream was about glyph dropping by to say hello, and we were having delicious chewy ice cream in some trendy ice cream parlour. The dream got a little weird and dull when glyph somehow transformed into a huge canary.
Since all the other persons in that dream were just calefare with no personality, I got bored and left glyph to his canary glory.

And somehow, I flitted next door, to another dream.
About him.
It's strange, because my conscious state feels as though it's no longer hurt by the past.
That on some strange level, I no longer care.
But my subconscious, the one that arises when I'm sleeping, all defenses down...

His eyes upon your face,
His hand upon your hand,
His lips caress your skin,
It's more than I can stand.

It repeated itself in my mind.
The entire scene, one kiss, from him to her.
Seeing it, her dark hair on his chest,
their smiles like secret lovers.
That was what they were, weren't they?

Everything did its rerun in my sleep, all the things they did, and words they shared.
And somehow, my emotions were magnified.
I felt myself breaking again, I felt myself falling, not wanting to care, giving up.
Yet still unable not to care.
I wanted to cry, but no tears were coming out, and all I did was to pace, like a frenzied animal trapped in its own cage.
Trapped in my own head.
I couldn't walk out of that dream.
I tried, but the damn glyph-canary was not appearing.

I couldn't walk out of my own emotions.
That breaking feeling you have when the man you love betrays you.
You feel that gaping wound, that missing part.
And it hurts.
It hurt, in my dream.
All my emotions magnified, all the scenes replaying themselves.
And all I could do was to follow everything that happened.

Why did it hurt as much in my dream.
More, even.
Ten times more terrible, because I thought I was above it.
That I had conquered it.
To have your failure cloud your sky when you thought that things were.. better.

And things got worse when I woke up.
When I realised I had woken up, that feeling of betrayal was still there, shrouding me like an invisible blanket.
That pain, that hurt, that feeling of breaking was still there, yet I was no longer dreaming.

My body is craving sleep, but my mind won't let me.
It's too awake, afraid of going back to that heartbreak.
Somehow, it felt more real in my sleep, than when it happened in my waking state.

But I thought I'm over this.

You know that place between sleep and awake,
the place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll always love you, Peter Pan.
That's where I'll be waiting.
-Tinkerbell.

In my world...

2009-03-27T19:25:00.002+08:00

You're the only one in colour.

And they were right:
When someone inspires you,
Don't hold back

Stand So Close To Me

2009-03-22T00:10:00.005+08:00

We hear the music, so soft in the background,
yet the only sound in the room.

To be close to you, so close, without space between.
Without anything else existing, just us, and that low music.
A reality without room, a vision without its walls,
so close that I breathe the air from your soul,
as you take in mine.

Dancing in time, upright in stillness,
two figures linked by fingers,
reaching out,
we reach out.

Dancing to that low, soft sound,
that near invisible music,
inaudible tune,
moving.

Dancing unaware of nothingness,
of a complete non existence,
of vacuum outside our
linked circle.

Dancing amongst falling buildings,
below a crumbling sky,
and trailing sunsets,
arrested world.

Dancing within encompassed minds
without songs we left behind,
or tune we try to forget,
hands washing regret.

Dancing together our bodies pressed,
worlds falling and names lost,
ignoring everything else
that isn't you.

Get close to me, so close I can't see the world,
so close I drown in your eyes, travelling
down, down, down into your soul,
falling closely beneath your smile.

Stand so close to me that my world
knows only the beauty that is you.
In all the magnificence of light,
or the seclusion of silent dark.

Be so close to me that our lives merge,
past, present, twisting into future,
and emerge a single identity,
no longer you nor me.

Live so close to me that all I ever know
will be the paths on your hands, body
and those that you took, abandoned,
or considered in your moments.

Dance so close to me that distance never existed,
space never breathed and time becomes myth,
which would all fade into colourless truth,
once skin, touches skin.

-Nilam

The ironic thing is, you're already standing in front of me.
So damn close to me that I can't see anymore.
I can't see what's real, or what's imagined.
I can't see the difference between my life and yours,
my past and yours.
Somehow, it's always been you.
You're standing so close to me,
that you're becoming the world thatI've always known.
The world that I will always be in.
And the strangest thing about it is that,
hell, I love it.
Every damn moment of it.

Cannonball, Damien

2009-03-20T01:04:00.002+08:00

There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth,
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt.

It's not you anymore, it's a him.
You're never a part of it all, now.
Because there's someone else.
Always, always someone else.
Young pilot in his plane, struggling to keep airborne.
It's not hard to fall when you float like a cannonball.

Cherry Pops

2009-03-17T23:07:00.001+08:00

I want to dye my hair dark blue.

Objections?

Words escape me

2009-03-16T20:36:00.004+08:00

So I'll end today with mostly pictures.
*cheers ecstatically*

Exhibit A, Big Tree.

Exhibit B, Big Tree as compared to a power box.

Exhibit C, Big Tree as compared to average man. Oh yes, that's a papa tree.

I just love the colours in the picture, and they were not edited in any way. I love the trees, the wisp of air, the water. *shivers* I owe you one, glyph.

A little backstory, we had Popeye's for dinner (does horrible imitation of Little Nicky's 'Popeye's Chicken is The Shit!'). And had strange coffee from Roberts.
Really strange ones.
The ones that you don't remember what they're made of after you drink some.
Those kinds.

Blame the coffee, damn it.

"Ids, move forward, no back a bit, no, I need to get the Sun"
*shifts camera down to escape sunset glare*
"Okay Ids, forward, no back, a little, more, more, no, go front again"
*tilts camera upwards again*
"Um, okay, Ids how about backing a bit..."
The look on her face is genuine, I assure you.

I could stay here for hours. Maybe even days. What with Popeye's a few feet away.
And the SG flyer right behind.
Of course we could have done without the mats who kept running to the bay, doing Malay-fied versions of Jack and Rose The Arms Apart Flying Scene from that famous movie about the famous ship that sank.
Once was okay, twice maybe a bit of a push, but do it five times with the same energy, and something tells me that you're high. Maybe on Robert's coffee.

Also, Jean Danker with Glenn?
Outrageous, I actually like Jean, I adored her, more than Carrie or Vernetta.
-sniffs

Ah well. Lucky bugger, Glenn.

Classic

2009-03-15T18:47:00.002+08:00

I was bored.
And no one bothered to count.
So ta-daa

70 things about me:
------
1. What are your initials?
NNBA

2. What is your favorite thing to wear?
Honestly, a blanket. But it's too damn warm here.

3. Last thing you ate?
Begedil, beb. *laughs with Sabrina*

5. I say "SHOTGUN", you say?
*screams* TITUS!

6. Last person you hugged?
Billie

7. Does anyone you know wanna date you?
Oh hoh, yes.

10. The last place you went out to eat?
*hangs head in shame* McDonald's.

11. Who is your best friend(s)?
Flagrante DeWanko, for putting up with my shit for, well, as long as it has existed. I love you, Wanko.

12.Why are you still up?
Because I'm off to steal the sun. When it gets dark.

13. Who/What made you angry today?
Lack of parking space. And no, I didn't drive.

16. Favorite type of Food?
Type. Anything that comes with free flow of ice cream and drinks.

17. Favorite holiday?
I'm actually thankful for them all.

18. Do you download music?
I love my friends *looks meaningfully at PJ*

19. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
I would, if they existed. Wonderful widdle toes.

22. Has anyone ever sang or played music for you personally?
Surprisingly, yes.

23. Do you love anyone?
Also surprisingly, yes.

25. Have you ever bungie jumped?
*sniffs* No.

26. Have you ever gone white-water rafting?
This question annoys me, because I have to say no.

27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?
*insane laughter* Holy hell, yes.

29. Have you met a real redneck?
I've talked to one, if that counts. It was an... experience.

30. How is the weather right now?
The sky is waiting for the sun to set. And it's filled with that after-rain quiet.

31. What are you listening to right now?
Un, dos, tres, tocar la pared.

32. What is your current favorite song?
Cannonball -Damien Rice

33. What was the last movie you watched?
Coming Soon. I'm a wuss, and I'm hoping I won't die too soon. Hanging ladies, stay away, please.

34. Do you wear contacts?
Yes, I'm almost blind. I've been thinking of exercising echolocation.

35. Where was the last place you went besides your house?
Chinatown. Someone was an hour late.

36. What are you afraid of?
I'm creeped out by crawlies. But I'm afraid of... losing my fantastic ability to lose myself in my head. It's a gift.

37. How many piercings have you had?
Two

38. How many pets do you have?
Had. Bad, sad, long stories.

39. What's one thing you've learned this year?
One day may or may not make a difference. And that female hyenas have penises.
Happy hyena.

40. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
I owe Yati thanks for this, Java Chip Frappuccino with a shot of raspberry.

42. Have you ever fired a gun?
No. I've sadly never been able to be trigger happy. *manic grin*

44. Favorite TV show?
Titus. Titus. Titus. Then again, I'm not watching it on TV. Ah well.

45. Do you have an iPod?:
*snorts* I have a cheaper China made version. aPro. Haha.

48. What would you like to see right now?
Not Eraser on video, that's for sure.

49. Favorite movie?
Ip Man

50. Do you find yourself loved?
*nods head*

51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't suppose to?
*laughs at blog's title* No, no, that's not true.

52. Favorite flower?
The um Mimblewimble Ectopspueas.

53. Buttered, plain, or salted popcorn?
Doesn't matter, it gets tossed in the end.

54. What Magazines are you reading?
Out Of Date Crisps Periodical

56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away recently?
No, but most probably because I'm still in denial. By saying that however, it shows that I'm actually recovering. *cheers*

58. What's something that really bugs you?
Distance, Time, Space, Ethics, the Big Bang Theory, just to name a few. *waves hands airily*

59. Do you like Michael Jackson?
Apparently my dad says he's my uncle. Just like James Bond, and Sean Connery. And some French guy. But yes, I do like MJ.

61. What's your favorite smell?
White Musk and Aztique, yes yes they're the ones I have right now.

63. Favorite cereal?
Waffles Crisp. Addictive buggers.

65. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep?
5 days, I think.

66. Last time you went bowling?
Damn, it's been ages. Since I was... 16. With... oooh, damn. Let's not go there.

67. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
It's a tie between Kallang Stadium carpark or the expressway.

68. Who was your last phone call?
Will. Bugger was late.

69. Last text message?
Um. From Spoots. About um.. imaginary girls who can teleport. Among other interesting abilities.

70. What's the closest orange object to you?
Piece of paper with the words "The Thing That Ate Grandpa"

For those of you wonderfully observant number-lovin' people, yes, 1-70 questions with a handful missing. Don't be mad. I'm a classic with numbers, aren't I.

Take me away from Titus. Don't.

2009-03-14T14:14:00.003+08:00

How can I not be addicted to this?

Titus - Dad's Dead

I want an Iguana

2009-03-14T12:19:00.005+08:00

I dreamt that Adam (Shah) got himself an iguana.
A huge one.
And he wanted me to take care of it during the weekdays, when he was working.
I freaked out, ran around, but he chased me and left the green thing in my bed.
Surprisingly, I grew to love the bugger.
The iguana, not the Adam.
And the damn thing talked. Wisely.
My family loved it, and the thing was pretty down to earth too.
And funny.
It became my new best friend.
And it gave the best hugs, with its strange claws and freaky legs/arms.

Now that I'm awake, one thought comes to mind,
I want an iguana best friend.

Taken by Carlos Munilla -deviantart-

Circled

2009-03-13T23:27:00.002+08:00

I won't break this circle, because I forged it in gold,
As soft as promises break, I won't let this promise unfold.

It's a cycle. And no matter how far we run, we come back to the same cycle we began in.
Because this world is full of cycles, unseen and unfelt.
Till you realise in retrospect,
the moment's too far gone.
And memory,
well,
it's as good as ash.

Till then, you're oblivious to your crime, oblivious to your crime.
And when you look around, you realise no one's got your back.
It's a strange, twisted cycle.
But it's still a circle I won't break.

You hold me without touch,
You keep me without chains,
I never wanted anything so much,
Than to drown in your love,
And not feel your rain.
-Sara Bareilles, Gravity.

p.s, Credits to JM for the extreme close up of my ring. I heart macro lenses.

The Thing That Ate Grandpa

2009-03-12T20:58:00.003+08:00

I'd rather you drag me around in the dirt, than walk out.
Because at least, in the dirt I can hide my shame.
Don't worry, I can adapt to breathing in the dust, the mud and grime.
Just drag me, face down in the ground, and walk on proud.
There you go.

Yes, just keep walking and don't mind me in the dirt.

p.s, take me away from Titus. Please.

p.p.s, No wait, don't. I love the damn thing too much.

p.p.p.s, Damn, this shit is addictive.

You're a flame, girl.

2009-03-11T17:59:00.005+08:00

Darkness. Cigarette smoke.
Sweet, and suffocating.
Two figures, a darker shadow against the dark blue.
Smoke. Intangible.
Irrelevant.

Nic asked about you today.

Did he.

He asked me what type of person you were.

And you told him.

I told him you were a flame.

More smoke, more of that sweet smell. Suffocating.

Told him that loving you is like loving a flame.

You can't love a flame.

Exactly.

To be knowingly burned.
Just, watch it from afar, wanting it, wanting to be closer,
but knowing what's going to happen when you get to close.

Thing is, you'll get burned for loving anyway.

Calamity

2009-03-11T17:21:00.002+08:00

Apparently I'm losing my grip on reality.
Apparently I'm sliding quickly out of focus, vague, confused.
Apparently I don't say your name, out of fear.

It's a long way down, and the only direction I'm looking is up.
How do you climb a smooth black tunnel without any sense of grip.
Slippery, tricky, and so trying.

I'm losing my grip.
And the tunnel's consuming me.
I'm looking up, at the only way out,
yet there's something about falling down below that soothes me.
The only way is down, and I know it.
I welcome it.

It's.. what's that word..
Oh yes, numbing.

Impact

2009-03-11T15:59:00.003+08:00

You blink, your face numb from the impact.
You see him standing in front of you, advancing towards you.
Menacing, your mind notes, before he lifts you up, as though you were nothing more than a fragile child, and hurls you on to the stone table.
Your jaw hits the hard tabletop, and your mind goes black for a moment.
The side of your face is hot, burning hot, with tears and that swell.
And little scratches from the first impact.

Things breaking all around you, you don't know what, you don't care.
All you want is to find enough strength to escape him, his madness.
He brings his fist down, into your stomach, and you scream, but it comes out low, guttural, like an animal.
You groan, you try to scream again, you try to make any sort of noise you can.
Shut up, he tells you.

You don't listen to him, and he brings his fist towards you again, this time to your face.
You fall back, against the table, and crouch down, curling yourself up into a ball.
Afraid, of the punches, of his hands.
You're lying on your side, heart racing, but your body crippled.
And your mind folding up on itself. Give up, it's telling you.
Close your eyes, and let yourself go.

But he won't. He won't let your eyes close for long.
A bicycle nearby. The ones you remember riding when you were younger.
Training wheels, round and round.
He lifts it up, and rams it into your middle, over and over again.
You scream once, but nothing comes out anymore.
You take it, take it over and over again.
You feel the edges of the handlebars dig into your stomach,
its wheels scratching your legs.
White scratches, skin scraped away.
Again.
Again.
Again.
Your mind closes.

Such mindless anger.

He crouches down next to you, holds you,
I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry.
I love you, I'm sorry.

You believe him.
You stupidly believe him.

I'm tired of facing stupid people. Tired of knowing they exist.
But not caring is such a price to pay.
It takes away words, it takes away beauty.
But stupidity still remains, somehow.

Steal the Sun, you say?

2009-03-11T15:30:00.003+08:00

I'm off to steal the sun, for my love.
I'm running through air and cold, to be burnt alive.
I'm battling demons and devils all alike,
I'm chasing down myths through alleys at night.
I'm planning, yes I'm planning, to steal the sun.
And no one will stop me, what my lover wants,

Yes, I'm telling you, I'm off to steal the sun, for my love.

Do you know, she won't care, if you're turned to ash,
Won't blink twice if you're no more than dust.
Oh no, she won't, she would never bother to care,
To tear, to whisper her longing, her regret.
Just like a cannonball, you're bound to fall, she whispers to you,
Your phantom in the night sky,
the only time she dares to gaze upwards.
In the night, when the sun is away,
She'll look up and remember.
You tried to steal the sun,
for your love.

Your inner critic has had too much caffeine, Nilam
-Tyler.

Funny thing is, I haven't had caffeine in months.
Perhaps that's where the trouble lies.

Damn, that feels good.

2009-03-08T23:24:00.002+08:00

I saw you, and froze.
My blood ran cold, my anger seeping through.
Pure. Venom.

I swear to God, if you weren't alone,
I would have ripped your fucking heart from your chest,
and watch you watch it beat itself to death.

Almost 5 years, and I still have not, will not, forgive you.

You lowlife piece of shitfaced scumbag.

Cold Blue Water

2009-03-08T22:17:00.002+08:00

How do you recognise truth, behind miles of glass,
clear as they may be.
How can one trust, so willingly, so assuredly,
another world, another realm, that might never be embarked upon.
It's all a practical joke, he says, the biggest practical joke of it all.
People.
We're amazing creatures.
Our ability to be so complex while we try so hard to attain simplicity.
And our inablity to be complicated and deep, because we're all too simple.
We're all a bunch of sad, twisted, walking contradictions.

And I never seem to be amazed at what we accomplish (or fail to) every single day.

But of course, I digress, as one would tend to, when glass and water is all that surrounds.

I can break glass, and turn water into vapour.
Yet I choose to surround my world with them.
Glass and water.
Crystal, yet never complete.

Also, Watchmen was surprisingly, watchable.
Now, all I have to do is find a glowing blue bald guy who can teleport
and walk around completely naked, without a single worry.
It takes a very secure man to walk like that.

Besides, teleportation could be fun.

Musk & Muck

2009-03-07T23:52:00.003+08:00

You been screwin' the milkman, he says.
You been screwin' the milkman.
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times.

Somethings will never change. Some people will really always remain the way they are.
And I'll always want them for what they are. Simple. Complex.
Our ability to be both, yet not really the same.
Too many differences. Yet the similiarities between us never fail to startle.
Doesn't startle me. And it never startled you.
And after the night is over, there's still your smell on my fingers.
Musk, sweet musk.
I keep returning to it, when I sleep.
Turn it over in my mind, twisting it, letting that scent take form.
Take rhythm, take sense.
But none comes close to you.

Musk. Drown me in musk.

Smile against the velvet

2009-03-07T01:31:00.003+08:00

Send the moon to my sky, hurry my love,
Send the night to my mind, my gray world.
Cast your nets into my sight, my mind's cuff,
and free that winged child, that worn girl.

I look up, and there it was, almost complete.
That smiling, shining almost round beauty against the velvet.
She shines, I think, she shines.
Incomplete, yet she still shines.
And I still love her, beauty against the velvet.

Also, amazing isn't it when paranoia becomes a tool.
Ooooh you cunning devils, spreading the fear, the tormented guilt.
While we innocently question ourselves, for fear, petty pretty fear.
Spin us around in our wheeled chairs, and laugh at us in our dizzy states.
Who's head will be left spinning on the ground, then?

When you look out

2009-03-05T20:54:00.003+08:00

This is the exact same view I've been seeing since for a while.
Since I was old enough to remember what it looks like in the evening when I'm looking out the window.

If only sucky camera phones could capture every second of my sight.

Anywhere

2009-03-03T14:20:00.003+08:00

I'm tired of knowing, aren't you?

Bristles, bristles, bristles

Watching Queen Latifah jumping and being groped by Steve Martin is.. not something I enjoy watching.
Neither is keeping secrets.
So tired of it, so tired of it.

Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me
And dear my love, haven't you longed to be free
I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you.
And at sweet night, you are my own.
Take my hand, we're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone,
They'll only pull us down
So by the morning's light,
We'll be halfway to anywhere,
Where love is more than just your name.

Where would we run to?
Anywhere, anywhere you want to. It doesn't matter.
It does, in the end, everything does matter, it's not the two of us anymore.

I didn't wish for this

2009-02-26T16:19:00.002+08:00

I had two strange dreams before I woke up.
Those, five minute dreams that seem to drag on for longer.

In one dream, this little girl was telling me, through sobs, that she had lost her mother and father to vicious vampires.
She looked so heartbreakingly sad, her hair in pigtails and ribbons, matching her pretty red dress.
And I found myself telling her,
"Oh darling, of course not. There aren't vampires, no such thing, love."
When she asked me how I knew, I replied, without hesitation,
"Well, I know this for a fact, because my friend told me so. And I believe him, because he slays vampires."

The irony of what I said woke me up.

The following dream I had after that one was stranger.
It involved a trio of tourists from Denmark. A Rolls Royce and a driver.
And a jealous Hugh Jackman (as he was in Kate and Leopold) as my husband.

I'll leave you to connect the dots.

Breaking chains, and making names

2009-02-26T16:12:00.003+08:00

Sharon loves me.
She does, she really does.

Time to pay up, love

2009-02-24T23:03:00.002+08:00

I'm laughing so hard to myself right now.
Hysterical, tickled so intensely with humour.
Irony, despite the immaturity of this.. triumph.
Excellent.
You finally realised you've been an uncaring prick,
for too long, much too long.
And now you want everything again.
To want, to know, to see, again.

To discard that emotionless being,
And recover the silently yearning you.

I am completely savouring this.

He had it coming, he had it coming,
He only had himself to blame.
If you'd have been there,
If you'd have seen it,
I betcha you would have done the same.
-CellBlock Tango

He Had It Coming

2009-02-23T23:52:00.002+08:00

"He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times."

"I said "You pop that gum one more time."
And he did.
So I took the shotgun, and fired two warning shots.
In. His. Head."

"You could say we didn't work out because of artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive.
And I saw him dead."

"So that night, I fixed him his drink,
Y'know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic."

"Not.Guilty."

Twist.Melt.Taste.Want.Tessellate.

2009-02-23T23:40:00.003+08:00

Twist.
Melt.
Taste.
Want.

When you spend hours thinking, plotting, perfecting.
And take only seconds to discard your planned out thoughts.
Branches outside the window.
Only branches, and you know it.
But right outside, and the house so silent, so empty, and so suddenly large.
Too large, for you, for one single being, to occupy.
Branches, only branches outside the window,
Not the stretching of cruel fingers.
Not the reaching of sinister taunts.
Branches, only branches.

I wish for so many things, upon so many lights in the night.
Upon twinkling, inkling, and sinking.
For angels, winged, true, and forgiving.
For beauty ever present, ever being.
For truth, and the strength that it draws from a person.
But above all,
I wish for you.

I wish for
You

Suh Nap

2009-02-18T14:13:00.008+08:00

Now why does this surprise me.

Spotted it? Mhm, it's an Orgy. That serves 6.

I can't stop laughing at this one. It's right in the middle of the page.
In black and white.

Oh yeah, that's a deep throat, that is.

The title says Clint Eastwood 'Unforgiven'.
I seriously am wondering why.

It's all up there.

Photos courtesy of glyph.
Oh and Adam, this is yours for the taking.
-smiles

The Day The Saucers Came

2009-02-16T22:08:00.002+08:00

That day, the saucers landed.
Hundreds of them, golden.
Silent, coming down from the sky like great snowflakes.
And the people of Earth stood and stared as they descended.
Waiting, dry-mouthed, to find what waited inside for us.
And none of us knowing if we would be here tomorrow.
But you didn't notice it because

That day, the day the saucers came, by some coincidence,
Was the day that the graves gave up their dead
And the zombies pushed up through soft earth,
Or erupted, shambling and dull-eyed, unstoppable,
Came towards us, the living, and we screamed and ran.
But you did not notice this because

On the saucer day, which was the zombie day, it was
Ragnarok also, and the television screens showed us,
A ship built of dead men's nails, a serpent, a wolf,
All bigger than the mind could hold, and the cameraman could
Not get far enough away, and then the Gods came out.
But you did not see them coming because

On the saucer-zombie-battling-gods day the floodgates broke
And each of us was engulfed by genies and sprites
Offering us wishes and wonders and eternities
And charm and cleverness and true brave hearts
and pots of gold
While giants feefofummed across the land, and killer bees.
But you had no idea of any of this because

That day, the saucer day the zombie day
The Ragnarok and fairies day, the day the great winds came
And snows, and the cities turned to crystal, the day
All plants died, plastics dissolved, the day the
Computers turned, the screens telling us we would obey,
the day,
Angels, drunk and muddled, stumbled from the bars,
And all the bells of London were sounded, the day
Animals spoke to us in Assyrian, the Yeti day,
The fluttering of capes and arrival of the Time Machine day,
You didn't notice any of this because
you were sitting in your room, not doing anything,
not even reading, not really, just
looking at your telephone,
wondering if I was going to call.

-Neil Gaiman, Fragile Things

Not another moment into your gravity.

2009-02-14T22:41:00.004+08:00

I walk into the room, and you dance behind me, whistling your tune.
I take my seat in the corner of the coffee place, and you twirl around my table, smiling, trying to capture me.
I order my cup and begin to write, as you softly blow into my ear,
willing me to want you, to make me yours.
My Harlequin, your diamonds shifting as you move.
My Harlequin, with your heart in my pocket, in my hands, you have no idea.
No idea, when you nailed your heart to my door.

You touch the people in the coffee place, changing them forever,
in between the breaks from serenading me.
My Harlequin, you tease, you lover, you want to kiss me tonight.
Heart in one hand, steak knife in the other, I begin to chew.
Bit by bit, I consume your raw heart, bit by bit, I consume you.
And you sit, suddenly sprawled on the floor, confused, paralysed.
I see you, my Harlequin, stunned on the floor.
Finally visible to my naked eye.
Only to my eyes, my Harlequin.

I take your hat, your mask and your cane from you.
And put them upon myself.
I twirl the cane in the air, and it falls back perfectly in my hands.
My Harlequin, your Columbine.
This Feb 14th, we trade our roles.
And I dance away, whistling, dancing, and changing the people I touch forever.

-Inspired by Neil Gaiman's Fragile Things

Take another, yet nothing in return

2009-02-12T23:16:00.003+08:00

I've never heard anyone curse god.
Till tonight.

You raise your head to the sky,
And scream that he's lost you.
But the sky didn't weep.
I did, I did.

Take another life,
in this cold hot winter burn
Take another night
in the eyes you know won't learn

Kiss & Tell

2009-02-10T23:13:00.000+08:00

I love you telling me this -

I love the way you smile.
I love the way you type.
I love the way you think.
I love the way you feel.
I love the way you dress.
I love the way you eat.
I love the way you look.
I love the way you talk.
I love the way you act.
I love the way you love.
I love you.

Come Home To You

2009-02-10T22:56:00.005+08:00

secret home by ~desertman on deviant ART

Can't believe I come home to you,
at the end of each day.
Read you, dream you, live you.
Wanting you here, tonight, forever.
Wanting you, just wanting you.
Afraid to, but still feeling it, still letting myself.
Can't believe I end the day with you,
every night, my last, always my last.
My thought, my dream, my peace.
Toes mixing with toes.
Let my fingers curl up in yours,
and feel your smile on my face.
Love you, love you, love you.
Ask me, everyday, ask me,
And I'll tell, everyday,
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Always yes.
Always you.
Can't believe I come home to you,
my refuge, my temple, my world.
You're my night sky, the same one I roam under.
My eternal street, the one that bears my steps.
My boundless road, the one I dance upon.
With you, in you, always you.
Home.
You.
Mine.

Honest Beginnings

2009-02-08T22:56:00.004+08:00

Emile ♥ Australia says:
towards the end of next week?

Colibri ` says:
Ah

Colibri ` says:
The end..

Colibri ` says:
Why the end?

Colibri ` says:
I hate endings.

Emile ♥ Australia says:
then u like beginnings?

Colibri ` says:
Mostly

Colibri ` says:
Because beginnings are honest.

Colibri ` says:
When Friday comes, it's in disguise, it's telling you the weekends are here.

Colibri ` says:
What it's not telling you, is that, after that weekend, it's still a Monday

Colibri ` says:
A begining

Colibri ` says:
At least a beginning is honest, it tells you, it's Monday, 5 days in a week.

Colibri ` says:
5 more wonderful days, it doesn't hide that. At all.

Colibri ` says:
Honesty, see.

Emile ♥ Australia says:
woah.. complex shit

Colibri `says:
I know. Wonderful in-the-moment thoughts.

Colibri ` says:
I'll sleep well tonight.

Note:
Emile ♥ Australia requests that he be credited for the inspiration of that line of thought.
While he was not the direct inspiration for this thread, I am grateful for whatever contribution he has made to this significant discovery.
I shall remember you.
Ahem.

Hot Chocolate & Blood Red Stilettos

2009-02-08T22:31:00.004+08:00

I needed the cash. And the lifestyle's not bad.
After a while, you get used to it. Really. Sometimes, most really, you meet nice people.
People who will shower you, buy you nice gifts. Oh, really nice gifts.
Sure you have to sleep with them, of course, but they buy you things.
Everything you want. Just nudge them and tell them that tonight you'll give them special.
And they'll get you whatever it is.
Whatever you want.
Of course, these are with the only nice people. Really nice people.
Sometimes you get stupid people.
Oh yeah, really fuck shit dumb people.
Who think they own you, even if it's just for a few hours.
They handle you badly, throw you around. Some girls I know get beaten up really badly.
Horrible cases. Nice girls too. Well, some girls here can be bitches. But that doesn't matter.
Everyone can be a bitch.
But the men, wow, sometimes they smell too. Bad luck if you get them.
So you have to get used to all sorts of smells and people.
And requests. Most of the time you don't get anything too strange.
But I heard of some people getting really.. weird demands.
Toes and shit.
I don't know if I can stand that, but hell, if I'm paid, I gotta do it.
And my daddy's really nice, so I don't have any problems there.
Just, really, it's based on luck.
So if you're luck is shitty, then you'll suffer a lot.
If not, the lifestyle, it kinda makes up for everything else.
The sucky bits. Yeah.
But it's okay really. Legal after all.
Don't try to go moral on me though, it's something I can do.
We're women aren't we, right?
Heh.
Why not do something we can? You got the looks, might as well put it to use.
I'm too short to be a model, and I'm camera shy, so heh, can't be a model.
But it's not too bad, really.
But you, you got the looks. You're a pretty girl, got O levels?
Okay, good what. So, study hard, work hard, legally, then make it big.
This lifestyle isn't for you, in case you're wondering.
No, some people can handle it, I think you can, looking at you.
But some people aren't made to do this. You're made for other things.
So you shouldn't about doing this. Are you? Oh, that's good.
But it's not bad, really.
Yeah, not too bad. Luck, it's all luck.

-what she told me.

Underlying it

2009-02-06T14:18:00.002+08:00

Come all ye lost, and dive into moss.

It's so typical that Rice would get inside my head like that.
And just simply refuse to leave it.
Simply refuse to.

-Most people don't know what love is, or how to find it.
-And you would know what love is?
-Some days.

Childlike

2009-01-30T15:07:00.004+08:00

I had a dream.

I saw madness.
And it wasn't a man.
It was a girl.
Madness, personified.

Her clothes, clean, tidy.
They were, however, completely unlike myself.
She is after all, supposed to be my madness.
A polo tee shirt and jeans, a pair of sneakers completing the outfit.
I can't seem to remember if her shirt was lime green in colour, or painful pink.
I suppose it didn't matter.
Even now.

My madness, personified, yet she seemed somewhat sane.
She beckoned to my dreamself, cradling my being close.
I lay atop her.
A perfect union.
So close, so intimate, so warm, yet so wrong.
I was too weak to push her away. Yet I had to.
She smiled at me, her lips like glass, and empty.
Her entire being was cold, yet her body was warm.
I have to push her away.
She smiled at me still.
Lifting her shirt up, she began undressing herself,
pieces of clothing on the floor disappear,
layer by layer, she revealed herself.
Unable to move, unable to think.
Yet I know, wrong, so wrong.

She stood, her head tilted to one side, her naked body in view,
arms opened and apart.
Embrace me, she said silently.
Her unheard voice repeated itself in my head.
Embrace me, whispers, embrace me, voices.
Just a child, just a child, she's just a child.
Her smile empty, her lips like glass.

I wake up, and feel tainted.

Even when.

2009-01-25T23:11:00.005+08:00

When you're gone, I want to remember,
Addiction, to words you drive through my soul.
To remember, going back just to feel,
to see, every word, dedicated to me.
I want to remember, reliving
my breath catching, my skin tingling,
you loving me, with only words,
when you're gone.

I want to remember,
all our leaps, vows, unspoken yet definite,
fragile as crystals barely formed,
as deep as the the darkness behind our eyes.
When you're gone, let me remember,
how I dived into you, how your soul opened at my touch,
at my blind willingness to appease, to prove to you,
when you're gone.

When you're gone, I want to remember,
walls disappearing, tragedy being transformed,
and reality retreating back to its cavern.
I want to remember,
making ripples in the water, in your lake
me trying to tell you that I will dive, for you,
only you, even when you're gone.

Let me remember,
my arms apart, my eyes moist,
my entire being, of utmost surrender,
to you, when you're gone.

Let me remember you,
when you're gone.
Let me dive, let me dive,
let me dive.
Let me dive into you.
Let me dive into moss.
even when you're gone.

Hold it to..

2009-01-25T14:49:00.001+08:00

Hold it in your soul's light,
Hold it, away from corruption, from decadence and loss.
Hold it, close to beauty, and truth, and..

Oh wait,
It's all over though, isn't it.

Hog Night Horror

2009-01-25T02:13:00.007+08:00

I had hoped to dream of something sweet, tender, almost beautiful in that sleeping way.
But, no.
What I dreamt of was being a peasant girl, a farmhand.
Whose guardian had died.
And apparently, the law of that land was that, those who died had to be embalmed.
By a Dr Frankenstein. He's the one who created the Frankenstein, not Ol' BlockHead himself.
Him, below. Blockhead, that is.

And when Dr Frankenstein came to the stables, where the body was laid out, he was excited to be working with the dead again. Strangely, the good doctor looked uncannily like Igor.
As seen below.

While the doctor was proceeding with the embalming, the rest of us were handed sharp needles, to protect ourselves against him. Which was strange, since for some reason, the needles kept piercing and poking our fingers. Why needles though.

The doctor also had this strange habit of muttering under his breath.
He kept muttering to himself "Honestly, I'm really a people person, when they're dead. I like em dead."

And he cackled.
Nothing scarier than a doctor cackling over a dead body.

I have wonderfully strange, frighteningly realistic dreams, sometimes.
It's not always a good place to be.

Lay me down, Angel

2009-01-22T20:02:00.002+08:00

Oh, I also came across this, from one of my earlier posts.

And I remember how I thought it was so beautiful.

I still think so.

Lay beside me,
tell me what they've done.
Speak the words I want to hear,
to make my demons run
-Metallica

Lucky Number Seven

2009-01-21T19:57:00.006+08:00

7 Random Things About Me.

One-I am allergic to shellfish. It's a sad sad curse. You got a shell, I don't like you.

Two-I cannot stand listening to the radio nowadays, and I haven't been listening since 2006

Three-I am not someone who enjoys planning. Throw those out the window, and let's do what our asses feel like doing right now. Now, now. Moment of adventurous roaming passed? Too bad. Let me just get a copy of Terry Pratchett's something and curl up in bed.

Four-I am in love with Terry Pratchett, really in love with him. Thank you, Aditya.

Five-I tend to roam a lot on my own. When I feel like it, I have been known to take a train to Choa Chu Kang at 11pm at night, just to walk around that place till dawn. And I live on the other side of the island. And yes, I enjoy it.

Six-I'm still in love with Eric Draven, and in love with someone who loves him too.

Seven-I received my first ever Christmas present in 2008.
Which was a figurine of this guy below. The huge metallic guy, not the one who's about to die a painful death.

7 Things That Scare Me

One-Sleeping and not dreaming

Two-Waking up and not remembering dreaming, though I still feel it in my skin

Three-Not diving into moss.

Four-Feeling. At all. Empathy sometimes takes its toll.

Five-Knowing what I don't want to know. But if I don't know it, then I guess I won't know that it's something that I don't want to know, so if there is something that you know I wouldn't want to know, please don't let me know.

Six-Falling, knowing that you're falling. Yet you fall anyway.

Seven-I fear hurting you.

7 Random Music At The Moment

One-You raise me up, by Josh Groban. The television's tuned to America's Got Talent.

Two-Baba O Reilly by The Who

Three-Lykke Li's A Little Bit, honestly, that song just wedges itself into your mind.

Four-Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. Sing this song to me.

Five-Dio's Holy Diver.

Six- Jason Mraz's I'm Yours, Idah, I still want the song.

Seven-Counting Down The days by Peter James. It's a catchy song.

7 Things I Like Most

One-Diving into moss

Two-Chocolates still remain. -smiles greedily

Three-Long random walks alone to nowhere.

Four-Spending the entire night out walking or roaming, and creeping indoors only when the sun rises.

Five-Spontaneous meetings with NIFFYS. We plan too much, really. Throw those plans out.

Six-Dreaming cryptic beautiful dreams about Eric Draven. Which happens once every five years.

7 Things I Always Say

One-Really

Two-Dive into moss

Three-Why not.

Four-(-smiles)

Five-That is brilliant

Six-Read it.

Seven-Meh.

There was another portion to this, a 7 people to do this. But I decided to leave it out, since I usually hate to impose myself on others. Really.

The reason I did this?
I was painfully re reading old posts, and came across an earlier version of my answers.
Sometimes growing up is a good thing, I realise.

I carry your heart with me

2009-01-21T18:03:00.002+08:00

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart).
I am never without it (Anywhere I go you go, my dear;
And whatever is done by only me is your doing,
my darling)

I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
And whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than coul can hope or mind can hide)
And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

-E E Cummings.

I'm diving into moss.

Sepanjang Hayat

2009-01-21T10:38:00.002+08:00

I promised Ashar to 'spread the word' so here I am, um, spreading the word.
Okay, breakdown of it all,
Sylverfront (Ash's band) made a new song, Sepanjang Hayat (Eternity).

To those who know him, or don't, head on to youtube, and comment on it, please.
Any form of constructive comment would be appreciated.
Deeply.

So, stop scratching that bum, and listen to the song.

Um. End of announcement.

Contact

2009-01-18T17:29:00.003+08:00

Hot, hot, hot, sweat, sweet
Wet, wet, wet, red heat
Hot, hot, hot, sweat, sweet
Wet, wet, wet, red heat

Please, don't stop, please
Please, don't stop, stop
Stop, stop, stop, don't
Please, please, please, please

Hot, hot, hot, sweat, sweet
Wet, wet, wet, red heat
Sticky, licky, trickle, tickle
Steamy, creamy, stroking, soaking

Hot, hot, hot, sweat, sweet
Wet, wet, wet, red heat
Touch, taste, deep, dark, kiss
Beg, slap, fear, thick

Red, red, red, red
Red, red, please
Harder, faster, wetter
Bastard

You whore, you cannibal,
More, you animal
Fluid, no fluid no contact yes
No contact

Fire fire burn, burn yes
No latex rubber, rubber
Fire latex rubber, latex bummer
Lover bummer

Take me, take me
Today for you
Tomorrow for me
Today me

Tomorrow you
Tomorrow you
Love you, I love you
I love you, I love you

Take me, take me
I love you
Wait, slipped
Shit, ow

Where's it go?
Safe, damn
I think I missed
Don't get pissed

It was bad for me
Was it bad for you?
It's over, it's over
It's over, it's over, it's over

-RENT